Are you having enough sex ?

Ever felt like you're not having enough sex ? Or maybe you feel like you're overly active? Studies show that the average American has sex about 86 times per year, far behind Brazilians who average 145 times, or the French, who average 137 times per year. So what is it that makes us a low contender on the global love making scale?

Maybe it’s the American work ethic that is draining energy and desire? Or maybe it’s our prudish beliefs that keep us more inhibited than other countries? …Or could it be the alarming rate at which STDs are spreading in the US? There are so many ways in which this could be answered that we’d be here all day trying to figure it out. However, these stats did spark my interest in the average sexual activity of American women.

Check out these facts from the Kinsley Institue about the average American woman’s sex frequency.

Women
Ages 18-29 average 112 sexual episodes per year
Ages 30-39 have sex an average of 86 times per year
Ages 40-49 average 69 sexual romps per year

Non-Married Women
32% reported they have not had sex in the past year
23% said only a few times over the past year
15% report 2-3 times a week
5% say 4 or more times a week

Married Women
3% report they have not had sex in the past year
12% only a few times in the past year
47% a few times in the last month
32% at least 2-3 times per week
7% more than 4 times a week

Remember ….no matter what the frequency of your sexual encounters are, please make sure it’s with a trusted partner, and that you are protecting yourself.

Are platonic friendships a recipe for disaster?

Blame the sexual tension or the lack of boundaries, but there is often a negative stigma attached to platonic friendships. Men and women view countless things differently and relationships are one of them. For those that are in a monogamous relationship or marriage, the issue of platonic friends can be a touchy topic. As a husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend we want to trust that our significant other can carry on an appropriate relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, in many cases there is that lingering feeling of “is there more to this friendship?”

As the saying goes, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. When applied to the issue of platonic friendships; is there no way to co-exist without the goal of love, sex, and intimacy? Are we that incapable of sustaining boundaries and maintaining regular friendships with someone that is not a love interest? Of course not, platonic love does exist. Friendships devoid of lust are in fact available. So, what’s the problem? Why do we have such a hard time with sharing our significant others with a platonic friend?

There are a few speed-bumps that are hard to get over when thinking of Platonic Friendships. Sometimes, as the person in the relationship that is trying (or not) to accept a significant other’s platonic friendship, we are hit with the most uncomfortable feeling- The feeling that there must be some underlying attraction. After all, “If I’m attracted to him (or her) of course someone else would be…….right?” It’s easy to say that it may be a physical attraction, but most times it’s something more. Nine times out of ten, a shared experience or common interest sparks a friendship. And for those that are insecure, or have a reason to be un-trusting, this ups the ante.

Let’s use John and Simone as an example. John and Simone are co-workers and work closely together on various projects. In fact, John and Simone are often required to take business trips together. For whatever reason, John and Simone tend to call and email each other during late evening and weekend hours. As a result, Simone’s husband Derek becomes uneasy with their platonic friendship, and accuses her of cheating. Simone’s relationship with John may in fact be strictly neutral, but because boundaries were not drawn and/or respected, her husband is now untrusting of her platonic friendship.

Another speed bump on the road to platonic friendships is that many times one of the “friends” wants more than just friendship, and has not been honest with his/her intentions.

Karen and Dion for example, attended the same gym. Dion became Karen’s trainer and was more than willing to be a good friend with anything she needed. However, over the first few weeks of knowing each other, Dion’s intentions took a turn. Karen kept (or tried) to keep the relationship at a platonic level, but after Dion’s numerous attempts to “hook-up” she cut the friendship off. This was not Karen’s first time of being put in this situation. She is now disgusted with men and does not believe in platonic friendships past the occasional work lunch. Karen believes that any man trying to be nice to her wants something more (to get in her pants) than friendship in return. For this reason, it is also hard for her to trust that her significant other can maintain a strictly platonic relationship.

So, are platonic relationships do-able? And if so, where do we draw the border line on platonic friends? No calls after 10pm? 9pm? Should we only discuss neutral topics and avoid anything concerning our intimate lives? Or better yet – is it even possible to draw a line? Can we take our significant other’s platonic relationships at face value and trust that men and women can be “just friends”? Can we trust ourselves? Or should we dismiss the notion and continue to be guarded about playing nice with the opposite sex? Aaaah! So many questions! And the answer is a simple… I don’t know.

Platonic friendships vary from person to person as do romantic relationships. Some just have to be felt out and decided on a case by case basis between you and your significant other. Only you and your hubby, wifey, girlfriend or boyfriend can declare what is permissible. What we do know is that, if each party is playing their role accordingly by being honest with their intentions and setting appropriate boundaries for their relationship, there is a higher success rate of a real “platonic friendship” and a happy mate.

What are your thoughts ? Post comments below!